Halloween Horror Nights 24 Review-ish

7 Dec

Man was this year different than the last by a long shot. It’s the things you learn by doing this thing year after year. I can’t afford it more than once myself, but dammit, one of these days I’ll be a multiple attendant to this lovely event. I think that as this thing grows and more people are interested in working on this event, it’ll claim the top spot of themed Halloween events for years to come. I have plenty more to say about this year as a whole farther south of this post, but for now, let’s get to the juicy bits and walk through some spooky houses!

(Second verse, same as the first from this post to last. These are in order from my least to most favorite houses of the night.)



From Dusk Till Dawn – Leading the pack at the bottom of this list was the first house done that night, From Dusk Till Dawn. A lot was put into the detail and Easter eggs for this house and was really well done, mostly for those who managed to check out the TV series like myself. For the most part, this house is fairly kinetic, in your face, and pretty fun. However, about halfway through the maze, there wasn’t much in the way of scares and broke the pace and energy that was present throughout the rest of the house. Still, a solid haunt that I think greatly benefits for big fans of the original movie, but mainly the TV series.


The Walking Dead: End of the Line – Possibly the biggest disappointment of the night was The Walking Dead: End of the Line for me. It could have to do with setting my expectations too high with all the promise of this house biggest the largest in HHN history had in my mind, me not being the most enthusiastic of Walking Dead fans, or just being a near zombie myself from the standing and walking endured that night. I couldn’t tell you, but for the most part, everything from season 4 of the show was incorporated into this maze, just not totally in the way I had hoped for. Being the end of the night, I’m sure there wasn’t nearly as many actors as there are at any other point in the night, but it sure could have used them to make for a more panicked type of atmosphere. This seemed more of a Wizarding World equivalent for Walking Dead fans, which I admired on that level, but when it came down to bringing the horror in the Halloween Horror Nights name, this just didn’t do it for me.


Alien vs. Predator – A clear winner in terms of properties on the other hand, was Alien vs. Predator. It seemed to be what I thought From Dusk Til Dawn could be at it’s full potential, plenty of action going on throughout, Easter eggs and jump scares a plenty, and a whole lot of frantic fun. Not being a fan of either series, (I mean how could you if you haven’t seen any of their movies?) I really didn’t have much of anything to expect here except what Universal Creative could do with their Alien puppets, and boy did they deliver. I’d have so much fun if I had managed to be under control of those things, they’re movements are so lifelike, yet have features that just make them alien enough and creepy, that they’re so super effective with the scares. The only thing that I’d have to bring up is that the VS. in the title really should have been changed to AND, mainly because there really isn’t much of a fight going on between the two creatures. Though, I can’t complain too much, this was one of the better IPs of the night and I can’t wait for another year of Universal puppetry.


Roanoke: Cannibal Colony – It’s funny that the lowest ranked on my anticipation list turns out to be in the top three of the best houses I ventured through this year. Hey, I’m just as surprised as anyone else quite frankly, and all that comes down to was…because this actually scared me a few times inside Roanoke: Cannibal Colony. A few misdirected scares that I was sure to miss out on had me literally hopping out from one scene to the other. I loved it. This house was all too much fun and creepy and I’m sitting here gushing about it because I had no idea that I would come out of this with near polar opposite reaction a had at this house just on face value! Again I feel the need to nitpick, this one wasn’t perfect as much as I had fun. I can hardly remember a few scenes near the end because it had gotten so dark. I probably missed the perfect opportunity for some fun jumps and screams. Not too much to rail on, in the long run. This was but a taste that brought me around to what Universal Creative is capable of doing when left to their own devices.


Dollhouse of the Damned – Arguably the best original house by far this year, was Dollhouse of the Damned. From the sets, to the actors, the various dolls, stuffed animals, and other sort of figures strewn about, down to even the smells pumped in here. Yeah, there were smells that added to the creep and eerie factor in this haunt and made for the most memorable rooms in this thing. Universal Creative took to the idea of a life sized dollhouse gone bad and ran all the way home with it like Charlie Bucket and the Golden Ticket. I really don’t have a nitpick with this house because was just that damn good. One of the first stops and must do houses that you should have been seen to be believed this year.


Halloween – Of course, this wouldn’t be a proper Halloween Horror Nights 24 review without setting the king’s crown of the year squarely on top of the head of Halloween. Aside from the originals, all the heart and soul that Universal Creative has for HHN cranked up to 11 and poured all over this house. If there was a Wizarding World equivalent to houses this year, the first would be Hogsmeade over at The Walking Dead, and here would be my Diagon Alley complete with Hogwarts Express at Halloween. There was nothing that would go untouched from John Carpenter’s unmatched slasher classic and thrown in here. But not randomly, all put in place where it should be, flowing perfectly and in tune. From full scale sets, costumes, recreations, some more Easter eggs to from other films in the franchise, to even sound bites, this was the king of the castle of Halloween Horror Nights 24. And that isn’t too hard to believe with, even on a slow night, wait times creeping up to over 3 hours!

Now, on to the scarezones!

Wait…what’s that? I don’t feel capable of reviewing the scarezones? Why the hell not?! Oh. Well…Hmm. Oh, right there was a reason the title was written the way it was.

So, I called this a review-ish post for a reason. I feel that as this event grows, and especially if it’s any bigger than it was last year (Oh please God, don’t let it be), then two nights to soak everything in is essential for an accurate review. Let me explain.

Last year I was able to experience every scarezone and mini-show in the park, as well as walk through every house and even do one twice! In comparison to this year, I got through 5 houses, missed a scarezone, and hardly had time to absorb myself in the other scarezones like I had the chance to do previously. With that, I took it to review what I got to experience fully and take from that my impression on this year as a whole and the what the future looks to bring. So with that said I’m sorry that I couldn’t let you know how the scarezones worked and were incoproated with the feel of this year’s event, but I do have a bit more to say before I wrap up.

To start, I have to applaud Universal Creative and all the team members and cast involved on the houses this year. As many gripes I had with what I got to see this year, they all had their really fun elements and none I could say were bad at all. Everyone inside looked to be having a great time and that rubbed off significantly on me by the night’s end. And to end, I felt that crowd control is a huge problem. Not that there was anyone rude or nasty in the lines I was in, in fact, everyone was pretty cool and respectable of each other. No, I mean just the amount of people that were there that night was worrisome to me. From what I got to do this year compared to last year both came down to not having a Express Pass, which by regular lines once per go round. I didn’t need one last year, but desperately needed one this time, but seeing how much that adds on to regular admission is a huge bee in my bonnet. Particularly, the night I went being a non-peak night and expecting it to be slow, I can’t imagine doing this on a peak night with the park at capacity.

With Halloween Horror Nights turning 25, rumors are circulating that this will see the return of all original HHN icon to the event and eliminating the use of IP, if for just one year. I’m hoping that this is true to deter the massive amount of people that rushed in to see the huge names of Halloween, Alien vs. Predator, and The Walking Dead come to life this year. I know this seems like I’m throwing a fit because I didn’t get my way, but I’m sure there are plenty of die hard fans that would agree with me. Either that, or just expand the darned thing already. It’s becoming more of an unruly monster that you can’t control and you need to let it out of its cage to stretch. But don’t worry, I’ll definitely be back next year, not having learned a thing from what I just wrote!


Seemingly not 2 spooky 4 me,






Halloween Horror Nights 24: What Does This Guy Want to See?

5 Oct

As of the writing of this post, Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios Parks has now begun, ringing in the Halloween season early much in the same way stores will have Christmas crap up once October rolls around. Not to say it’s a bad thing, in fact, it’s quite a great thing, it just means more time is spent crafting one of the most fun, thrilling, and in your face themed events in the world.

My anticipation couldn’t be higher. Last year being my first year, I can only imagine how great this year’s event will turn out to be. Since I hadn’t given any time to make a post about it, I figured I’d triple that coverage this year with my thoughts and opinions, seeing as I’ve got some free time to go before I head out there. For now, here’s what I’ve got cued up in my head as my most sought after houses and scare zones to head straight towards when the fateful night rears its beautiful deformed head in my direction.
(This list pertains to the Halloween Horror Nights event taking place in Universal Studios Florida in Orlando, from least to most anticipated.)


Roanoke: Cannibal Colony – Set to be this year’s “Urban Legends” type house, Roanoke: Cannibal Colony takes you through what would happen if you were stuck in the same colony as in the fables and what not. Not much to draw upon as I’m sure you’d have to be fairly familiar with the history behind the colony and since we already have a house dedicated to people eaters, it’s not a house I’ll likely rush out to see, though I’m sure my opinion could change once I’m there in person.

From Dusk Til Dawn – Easily a house I’d like to skip this year on instinct. I’m not the biggest fan of the original film that the property is based on, and from what I hear through the grapevine, the show this house his based around is lackluster at best. But like a certain property I’ll get to later, I rather enjoyed what Universal Creative did with what they were given and this has that same potential written all over it. Still not as likely to get me to marathon the show, but could end up being a fun time.

Giggles and Gore, Inc. – Killer, psycho clowns. Hard not to get excited, right? Well, for me it kinda is. I’m not saying this will be a dud either, just that clowns don’t freak me out to begin with, much less when they’re outright turned up to 11 and out for blood like I’m sure most people who are clowns would like to be. Given Universal Orlando’s reputation with clowns in the past, however, this could be sleeper surprise. It’s not tied down to an IP, so they could go fast and loose with whatever crazy idea that pops in their head when it comes to evil clowns and their design process.

Dollhouse of the Damned – Even to me this house is a bit of an enigma. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to just feature as many creepy baby dolls or American Girl type dolls, or just anything that an qualify as dolls, like crash test dummies or ventriloquist dummies and the like. From what little was teased however, this one sure looks to be the creepiest and the crawliest of the originals and possibly of all the other houses this year. I’ll be on the look out for many of the famous horror franchised dolls as of late, from Slappy to Chucky to Annabelle.

Dracula Untold: Reign of Blood – Similar to From Dusk Til Dawn, I have little to no interest with this upcoming film. It’s looking pretty Underworld-esque but with just little gore to garner that sweet, sweet PG-13 cash money demographic and was an obvious front-runner to be the advertised house this year, being a Universal Studios film. That being said, all that gore missing in the film built with Halloween Horror Nights’ past with Gothic atmosphere and vampires should be fully intact in this house and be a bloody good time. (Yeah, I went there.)

The Walking Dead: End of the Line – Now, if I were writing for a reputable source, I’m sure I’d be lambasted for what I’m about to say. I’m not a fan of The Walking Dead TV series. It’s so goddamn sporadic to me, from the genuine attempts at emotion, to the over the top melodrama, to laughable dialog, and the many boring and forgettable characters, it’s a mess and I don’t understand why it’s one of the most watched shows on TV. (Then again, The Big Bang Theory is TV’s most watched show so it shouldn’t be too difficult to understand.) However, last year’s Halloween Horror Nights took the highlights from the show’s first three seasons, crafted them into a house and scare zones, effectively bringing them to reality and it was all a real hoot. Why would I be so excited for just a house this year? For one, it’s the largest house haunt that’s ever been constructed in the history of Halloween Horror Nights, taking up an entire sound stage, two, it leaves room to recreate nearly every iconic scene from the past season of TWD, and three, it’ll have more scare actors inside than ever before. This all sounds incredibly promising to me and is why this house is so high on my list despite my distaste for the property. Hell, it may not even scare me that much, but just in the pure craftsmanship and production that’ll go into this house, I’m certain it’ll blow me away.

Alien vs. Predator – Wow, I said a lot more for The Walking Dead than I had planned to. Funny how things work out, eh? Anyway, forward onto Alien vs. Predator. Now, I’ll be honest. I don’t think I’ve seen any of the movies in either of these franchises. Not even Alien vs. Predator! I shouldn’t have a pot to piss in in terms of excitement towards this house, so why bother! Well, if you calm down I’ll let you know that the same reason I don’t have an affinity for The Walking Dead, but admire the artistry and mechanical craft Universal Creative puts into their houses is the same reason I’m really looking forward to this house. It all comes down really to how the said Aliens and Predators are recreated in the house. Now sure, for Predators you’ll probably have a few dudes dressed up in Predator garb with the mask and weapons and all that jazz, that’s a given. Could you do the same with the Aliens? Yes, but what would make them extra terrifying and, *ahem* alien? Puppets. Yes, puppets. Why puppets, you ask? If you’d been to last year’s Halloween Horror Nights you wouldn’t ask such a silly question, but to clue you in, An American Werewolf in London’s house was stellar. It all worked out mainly for the terrifying, lifelike, and in your face puppets used. If Universal Creative can take these and build upon them, this house will probably come on the top houses and maybe even be the best house for this year.

Halloween – I’ll be honest and say I really didn’t grow to appreciate Halloween until I met my best friend. He is a huge fan of the series and really pulled me into loving the movies along with him, except the blasphemous Rob Zombie films, of course. Once the speculation was circulating that there would be a Halloween house, I started to get pretty excited for this year. Don’t get me wrong, this year has a fairly solid line up of houses, but in terms of IPs I’m generally a big fan of, there wasn’t much to motivate me for this year. After the official announcement of the arrival of Halloween, it was a pretty solid motivator for me to get out and see this in person. There can’t be anything that goes wrong for this house. From seeing the front of the Myers house before even stepping foot into the maze, hearing the iconic score blast through the walks as you conga line along, to seeing each and every memorable kill played out before your eyes, it’s getting me giddy just typing up about it. There’s hardly a thing I could think up that would make this house a miss for me, aside from timing inside the house. I can’t wait to see this thing playing before my eyes and hope that the line isn’t as excruciating as I’m sure The Walking Dead’s will be.

Scare Zones:

Here we have something that’s a bit redundant. The main focus of Halloween Horror Nights is to go to see the haunted house set up through out Universal Studios Florida, so it’s easy to rank what you’re going to be deliberately walking through and miss what you’re not so excited for. With scare zone, however, you can’t miss them. Spread out through the streets of USF are some of the frightening setups, some with their own mini shows that you must walk through in order to get anywhere within the park. That being said, I guess this list pertains to what I’m most anticipating walking through most. I’m not saying I’ll be deliberately heading out to see these zones, though, but…eh let’s move on.

Face Off: In The Flesh – I’m no fan of reality TV, I almost go out of my way to avoid it. With Face Off, though, I understand it’s popularity. There’s some pretty talented work that goes on with each new season’s contestants and can’t be a bit of a treat to watch at times. In terms of bringing this thing out in the open for scares, I don’t see much of that going on here. It’ll surely be an eye candy scare zone, checking out, and maybe taking pictures of all this vast array of work and talent the many seasons of the show has brought to live, but being scared by these creations doesn’t seem to be on the agenda here.

Bayou of Blood – Nothing says a pleasant stroll through the bayou like voodoo queens and human ritual sacrifice, am I right? Seeing plenty of skulls and voodoo imagery is possibly the gist of what’s laid out for this original zone. I can anticipate plenty of fog, rattling collection of bones in my face, and glowing dark magic jars that are capable of something I wouldn’t want to personally find out. Not too much to go in, but I’m certain there’s gotta be a few scares to be had here and plenty more atmosphere than Face Off can provide, but hey, just going off face value here. (Pun not intended)

Maskerade: Unstitched – I can’t really explain much about why I’m looking forward to this scare zone. The premise is simple, turning a masquerade ball into a macabre display of ever going party goers who waltz continuously with their faces falling of and some being crudely stitched back on. It’s not one that sounds all too promising and even takes up the smallest area of the rest of this year’s scare zones, but that’s where the opportunity arises to make this the most atmospheric and engrossing. Like any minute you’ll be waltzed away by these dancers who suddenly peels off their face and stabs you in the back, or something of that fashion. Again, not sounding too frightening, but dammit I can’t wait to walk through this one!

The Purge: Anarchy – Easily the zone out of the four with the most potential. And again like a few of the other IP brands, I’m not the biggest fan of the franchise, but ripping it from the screen out into actual living, breathing streets sounds like the best thing of all times. Being face to face with people brandishing various weapons made solely for the purpose of cleaving you in two, or three, or four, running screaming in the masses to avoid a crowds of street bikers and bandits, witnessing first hand a live auction for a human live in order to massacre it for pure satisfaction. It just sounds like pure, well, anarchy, and giving way the largest street area in the park to this property gives a lot of promise to what Universal Creative has to offer. If there we a scare zone I would purposefully make my way to straightaway, it would be this one.

So that ends this sordid piece. Just something I thought I’d throw together in my excitement while counting the days before I get to go to this lovely terrifying event. I’m hoping I’ll get a review done of the whole thing much quicker than I got this up, because I know for sure I’m gonna write something about it. If anything, it’ll be not too soon after I went and will be fairly entertaining to see just how so wrong I was completely when making this list in the first place. Take care and fright, and you’ll be hearing from me soon…Or will you?

Blessed be our new Founding Fathers,


Christ, Not You Again.

4 Aug

Yeah, it’s me. I know, I can’t believe we’re in the second half of the year already either. What have I been up to? Oh, you know, the same thing I’ve always been doing. Nothing. No, really, things haven’t been getting any better. Har har, thought I’d have a laugh and at least pretend to talk to someone for once.

So, why am I here? I don’t know, I felt like writing again. I just like the feeling of tapping in quick succession against keyboard keys more than anything. It’s kinda theraputic. I might have mentioned it before, but like most people in the world, even I don’t go back and read these posts to see to see if I had or not.

Oh yeah, I think it had something to do with video games. Yeah, I had gotten it in my head that maybe I could actually update this thing and make sort of a living off of it. Totally, I laughed my ass off too when I thought of if it. But you know, I do love video games. I do. And in some ways, I enjoy writing in some capacity. Do I feel I’m competent enough to even get review copies from small third party publishers? Well, I’ll just say that I’ve had that Best of 2013 movie list stuck in the pipeline since late February, early March and still don’t think I could finish it well enough to have it be graced by the lovely passerby who happen to stumble upon this wasteland.

Then again, I don’t even think having these little personal snippets up are helping me that much. Especially when they turn from snippets into full blown essays of self pity and self indulgence. I thought that maybe to edit them all out, maybe write them down physically so I can look back at them one day and have a good laugh. But what the hell would be left over? Maybe I should just erase this whole thing from the interwebs. Naaahhhh, I’m too lazy even for that.

So just what the ever loving fuck should I do?! Put up more content? I should. Then again I should be getting my personally life started at first, I know this thing isn’t going to get me anywhere for a long while. I need some scratch if I’m gonna start up reviewing. But I do have ideas from stuff I never started and a few recents that could be fun and easy to throw together. One step at a time, I guess should be the motto for now. Maybe. Just maybe.

I guess the TL;DR version of this dreck would be: I might actually post reviews or pieces that aren’t personally stupids of stupid ugly nothing. I just need to find some kind of spark and inspiration and not be so lazy. I could have up something up by the end of the week, but more than likely, you’ll find something new here by the end of the year.

I don’t know, I’m an idiot and a mess. In the meantime, I’ve got the rest of The Wire to marathon before this free HBO rides off into the sunset. Maybe I’ll do something on that? Or it’ll just be 2complex4me. We’ll see.


Trying to keep the devil way down in the hole,


Quickie Before Bed

5 Dec

Wow, looks like we’re already in the first week of December and it’s already been almost half a year since I last did something in this place. Well, I decided to spice it up with a new background, which is just the latest product I’m obsessing about. I’ll follow up with one that looks like an actual site background soon, but I need sleep. Just wanted to update and say it’s about time to do my second annual Best of The Year movie marathon. I write off a big list and try to watch as many 2013 movies as possible before Oscar time to list off my favorites as I had last year. I’ll get down some more later, but as I said I need sleep and it’s plenty too late to keep this going.


Wha-What time is i-ZZZZzzzzzZZZz,


Hello Darkness, My Old Friend…

20 Jun

*Spoiler! This is one bitchy ass post. Proceed with caution or just wait until you see a post with a movie title and poster in it.*

Yeah, that was an Arrested Development season 4 reference! Big whoop, wanna fight about it?! Nah, I’m not really in the mood, I’m just in the mood to be moody as it were and touch base with you nonexistent patrons. To start off with, I think it’s pretty safe to say that you should never trust any sort of half-assed promise that happens to fall out of my head last minute and onto this here mope machine. I maybe went forth and made one promised wish come true, but even then it wasn’t out on its deadline. I don’t know, I just don’t think I’m cut out for this. Yeah, I’m not cut out for writing on a consistent basis on a blog that I should be writing for fun, yet can’t seem to bring myself to even get out a paragraph on this post. I’m seriously misguided as all hell.

Secondly it should come to no surprise that sometime between my last writing and now I binged watched some Arrested Development. Whether I ever write up about it in the future remains to be seen, but I highly doubt it as I mentioned before that I can’t even write up this free form piece without some sort of second guessing trepidation. To put it simply though, as far as the new season is concerned, it’s a bit slow to start and even once it hits it’s stride it’s not as funny as before, but the story weaving something way too far out of it’s world especially for a sitcom. I did see a few movies in between as well, most recently as of this past Friday with a group of friend I happened to catch This Is The End. I don’t know, I might just post up a few of those reviews because there is a fire in me to push those puppies out, but when I can’t really say.

As far as the working and having a life situation goes, it’s still that same as before. I really put off the vocational services because I figured I could do better landing a position all my own. I did come close one day having actually gotten through to a hiring manager, but those hopes were immediately cut open screaming and shat upon the next day when I was told their positions were all taken. Since then there haven’t be any call backs, no hopes of even washing goddamn dishes for a few bucks an hour for one day a week. It’s so goddamn ridiculous and tedious, I honestly see myself getting kicked out of there or joining the military before even landing my first job. Better call them back up and see if they do any different. To make a few bucks on the side I decided to join survey sites and do that for a while. And talk about tedious, all you do is answer the same personification questions to see if you even qualify and once you do you spend the next half hour answering the same question pertaining to different products over and over again. Maybe after a week or so of going in every day you’ll make may $10, it’s so monotonous that you just hope you don’t go insane once all’s said and done.

Heh, speaking of the military, it seems to be my only viable option. Though all my life I’ve put it off because I knew I’m not cut out for it at all, I mean I doubted myself about even the easiest form of Boot Camp, I don’t think I’ll have much else of a choice. After knowing my friend will be shipping off to preBUD/s and BUD/s pretty damn soon and him thinking it’d be cool if I joined up, I might just do it. Again, I wasn’t too sure about the boot camp, but his reassurance pulled me through. For those who know about BUD/s, you know it’s training for Navy SEALs and can the put the pieces together that I’m training for joining the Navy. It’s not much and probably not enough to prepare me for PT, but it’s at least something rather than going in before I was working out. I just have to stick to it for a few more months, follow the running plan and I’m all set. (I have no idea what I’m doing.)

So in short, I’ve spent the past few months second guessing myself to ever write here again, fucking up my opportunities for work, binge watching Netflix shows, doing minimal Navy PT training, and of course, playing nothing but Call of Duty: Black Ops II. Will anything change in the meantime, will there be more posts that aren’t about my semi-charmed kinda life, baby, baby, will our heroes catch their perp?! Tune in next time to Josh’s Magical Mystery Tour and find out, true believers!

Anchors Aweigh,


A Reflection, A Rememberance, A Ramble, and Yet Another Update All In One Fantastic Microwavable Package!

12 Apr

Heh, I thought that was a tiny bit clever. Hello once again fellow creepers of this blog, all one or two of you! Like the title suggests, I’ve come for a ramblesque update and would like to begin so as follows, and I’ll explain why as I move along with this post. Let ten days slip by and it’ll have been a month since my last update promising more content. Out the window go thirteen days and with it, two months since I’ve actually posted said content. It really got me thinking, mostly punching myself and crying calling myself a stupid idiot, but either way, how a certain writer/critic would think if he were to frequent this blog. He’d know that my opinion was dog shit first off and my writing even more so, but secondly he’d be sorely disappointed in how little was actually being posted here, personal writings or not.

That man is Roger Ebert, who sadly passed away last week after his decade long fight with cancer. I can’t honestly that to the day he passed that I read every one of his reviews, watched his show or followed his personal happenings, but he was still a personal hero of mine, and was to others like me who are doing this very thing right now. He along with Gene Siskel and the internet pushed forward a new generation of critics and people who just love watching moving pictures on screen to speak their minds freely and without persuasion of opinion. Their reviews in the Friday paper were probably the first few sentences I ever read as a young child and there’s now a true emptiness in the industry and blogsphere as a whole without Ebert’s elegant and unique voice.

That being said, he would totally chastise me for being a lazy, good for nothing, prick. Until a mere few days before his death, Roger Ebert wrote and wrote until absolutely couldn’t anymore. He had continued to review films and write long past losing his ability to speak and eat and would never take off more than a week to break from that. I’m absolutely sure that’s due to his undying love for the movies, but he still kept with it regardless. As I had said of him in a Facebook post, I had hoped to one day be even an inkling of the man he was, both passionately and with an unending writing spree. And I figured, why wait another week, month or year? Why not now, in this moment? Do I have a job or any kind of daily responsibility to keep me from this goal? Do I not have a way of seeing plenty of movies daily and writing up about them? Do I have absolutely no interest in writing and speaking about not just movies, but all media? Of course the answer to all of these is no, I’m just a lazy bastard.

Well, that’s no excuse, damn you! Starting sometime tomorrow or the next day you are gonna keep your promise from last month and get up those reviews! You are gonna watch a few movies and write up some drafts! And you are gonna keep this up at a consistent pace for your audiences reading pleasure! DO YOU HEAR ME PRETTY BOY?! SIR, YES SIR! Oh! Ahem…uh, yeah, kinda just blew up my motivation to myself in plain sight. That doesn’t make all of this any less true, don’t you guys worry about that. Starting this weekend, you will see some reviews and maybe more the rest of the week. I might actually be doing either a Monday, Wednesday, Friday type deal or just weekends and work my way up from there. Either way, it’s guaranteed to come and I would like to thank Roger Ebert up in that eternal movie theater for everything he’s done and will have done to continue to inspire, motivate, and speak up for the little weirdos and geeks out there like us.

R.I.P. Rog and I hope to see you and Gene at the movies,


A Bloggy Blog Post Found Only In the Fair Lands of Bloggerton: The Journey

22 Mar

Well, I’m tired. That’s all I could say that explains that title, really. Uh, yeah. So for the past few weeks I’ve been off trying to keep myself busy with this whole employment gig and it isn’t going as smoothly as I had hoped. Things are definitely happening on one end, but on the other I still don’t have work or wages and all that. So there’s that. Yeah, sorry this is really an incoherent mess, I haven’t slept in nearly 24 hours and just felt like writing up something because DAMMIT I LOVE IT! I’m not very good, but the feeling of fingertips clacking against keys and seeing my constant babble form on-screen is just fantastic.

Anyway, expect some content in the future. That list actually felt great to post, fo reasies. So great in fact, that I might post up another. (Eh? Eh? You excited?! Gonna happen, maybe, we’ll see!) Before that though, I think I’ll get up another review as well. I won’t say what it is exactly, but let’s just say that I’m deeply invested in my once a year Gamefly subscription. So there’s that for you fiends who are champing at the bit to get at all my word food stuffs. I’d like it for this to happen soon, preferably some time after I’ve had a good night’s sleep.

Until then I also have A Game of Thrones to read in between my marathons of Jeopardy and games and stuffs. Really enjoy Game of Thrones and thought I’d give the book series it’s based on a go. I’ll get my nose in it for 20 minutes and probably comically fall asleep with it on my face and junk.

To the Seven Kingdoms and beyond,


Top 20 Films of 2012

25 Feb

Roll out the red carpet, get the fashion critics and little appetizer trays out, because it’s time for the Oscars!…And my first ever fully decided Best of 2012 list! Man, let me tell ya, this junk was not easy to put together. That could explain why I’m getting it up a day after big night, that and other household distractions that just so happen to come up when I need to get something important done! Regardless, last year was a doozy full of amazing movies, be it documentaries, genre flicks or heavy hitting character dramas, plenty of great stuff was witnessed this past year. Here’s hoping I make this list a little fresh from the countless others that have been published already, but let me go ahead and worn you all that for the most part, it won’t be so fresh. (There’s always a pad for that, anyway.)


20. Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted

Now, now, I know what you’re all thinking. “A Madagascar movie on a Best Of list? REALLY?!” Alright, two things: One, it starts off this list at the very bottom. Two, I’m just as surprised as you are! Before hearing the praise this was getting I was gonna write this off my viewing list completely, I was never a big fan of the series to begin with. After giving it a chance I was kind of blown away and how entertaining this was. It was funny, fluffy, fast paced, but most of all, an absolute treat to watch. It’s one of the few flicks I regret not seeing in theaters in 3D, because it gets to be such a technicolor dream scape at times, coupled with Looney Tunes-like animation, this was a surprise and delight to watch.



19. Moonrise Kingdom

To start with I know next to nothing of Wes Anderson’s work. The only movie I’ve seen of his was 2009’s ‘The Fantastic Mr. Fox’, and that was an adaptation, so I didn’t know what all his own work would have in store. Well, it turned out to be one of the better movies about young love out there. The whole flow feels like something out of a kid’s storybook and fits well with who the focus is on. Coupled with not only fantastic actors, most of which are Anderson’s regulars, but brilliant teen actors as the leads, you’ve got to check it out.



18. Zero Dark Thirty

A manhunt spanning a decade, Zero Dark Thirty is a story that plenty of people would like to indulge in, especially now more than ever in these Navy SEAL worshiping times. Told from the woman who persisted in finding the perpetrator of the September 11th attacks, Jessica Chastain gives a hell of a performance and Kathryn Bigaelow gives us amazing insight on the hunt and a damn great recreation of the famous raid. Riveting, tense and an ever long slow burn, Zero Dark Thirty is a definite good time and a big talking point for weeks to come.



17. Les Miserables

Not being much for musicals, I was again skeptical before giving this a watch. And yet again, it paid off for this is a bombastic tale of redemption, love, hatred, forgiveness, and lots of fighting. Hugh Jackman steals the show as Jean Valjean with an amazing set of pipes on him that will have you crying in fan-person extacy, but Anne Hathaway is the award winner here as Fantine who gives a performance that is not only sure to melt even the coldest of hearts, but leave you a weeping mess. With many memorable tunes, gigantic, breathtaking set pieces, Les Miserables is a true epic and is deserved to be seen on the big screen.



16. Sinister

The only horror movie on this list and for good reason, it deserves it. Of all the horror shlock that’s sent to theaters these days to make a profit rather than tell a decent story, this manages to tell that story and give out some good scares along the way as well. The atmosphere is perfect and consistent along the way and keeps you interested until it lays down a good BOO scare. For the horror fans that want to break away from all the crap flooding the theater and see something worth it and interesting, Sinister’s the one the breaks the mold.



15. Bernie

I’ve always been a fan of Jack Black, wither he be a front man for the greatest band in the world or the voice of an animated panda, he is usually pined for the role of a loudmouthed buffoon. Here a much more subdued Black plays a small Texas town mortician who takes a liking to a despised, controlling, elderly woman that takes a shocking turn…that actually happened! Backed with the likes of Shirley MacLlaine, Matthew McConaughey, and the citizens of the town the movie takes place in, this was a surprise sleeper hit that begs to be seen.


The Raid

14. The Raid: Redemption

A movie that was praised to the high heavens to be seen by many, literally pulled all the punches ever. After finally seeing the trailer and seeing just a taste of what was to come from this, I had to check it out. I’m not familiar at all with Indonesian cinema or it’s actors, but all I can say is that this one KICKASS movie. Though it’s about an hour shorter, I’ve best described this as “Les Miserables if Javert and Jean Valjean started beating each other senseless mid-song.”. Seriously, just quit reading everything about this and see it for yourself.



13. Argo

Who would’ve thought that Daredevil would make such a goddamn good director? (Now it’s official, he’s *spoilers* a fucking Academy Award winning director. Wow.) I knew I didn’t, I just knew that I loved me some Gone Baby Gone and The Town. Hyped to roof, I couldn’t wait for my eyeballs to be stuck to the screen to absorb Argo. While that hype killed it quite a bit for me, this flick is still well done with stand outs all around from Ben Affleck, Alan Arkin, John Goodman, and Bryan Cranston. Fluid, funny and tense as all hell, Argo is another welcome addition to Affleck’s filmography.



12. The Grey

A January release, and it happens to be pretty damn good? Yep, that’s right and shame on you for thinking otherwise. Deemed by many who saw the heavily misleading trailer as, “That Liam Neeson vs. Wolves movie”, The Grey happens instead to be a very meditative and bleak look at death. Sure the wolves have their play here, but chock up elevation and hypothermia to that board and you’ve got no hope here whatsoever. Leave it to some fine character actors to pull off great performances and give this early year surprise the jolt it needs to be seen whenever you can.



11. Life of Pi

Yet another meditative movie, but about the meaning of faith or just clinging to any kind of spirituality, Life of Pi is pretty awe-inspiring. Aside from the brilliant special effects to bring animals face to face with Pi himself, it’s meanings can leave those finding a way to some sort of higher power come out to question who they are. It could either leave you wanting to find yourself and the meaning of life in and of itself, or you could just leave happy that you saw a pretty entertaining and fantastic story. Either way, Life of Pi isn’t to be missed.



10. Wreck-It Ralph

I’ll admit it, I have sort of a bias against other animated movies this year simply because Wreck-It Ralph was about video games and had clever video game references. (For about the first half.) But really, when push comes to shove, it was honesty the best of all the other animated stuff I saw. Kind of funny how this year the two animation giants kind of switch places with how their products turn out, Disney’s picture feeling more like Pixar movie and vice versa. Still, it’s true and Wreck-It Ralph turned out to be one of the funnier, heartfelt and entertaining endeavors of the past year.



9. Django Unchained

Speaking of another good time, Django Unchained is nothing but, if you can filter it out from all the N words. Though still a bit over long, Django has plenty going for it. The characters are charmingly evil or hilarious or just outright absurd, the violence is overly bloody and just such a treat to watch unfold, and random close ups and spaghetti western references will have movie buffs gurgling with pleasure in their seats. If you can handle the cartoonish amount of gore and the 107 N words that are spouted, (Yeah, I counted.) Django Unchained is a bloody good time.



8. Killer Joe

Some would say that this was a big year for Matthew McConaughey, though others would beg to differ, with his only big hit being Magic Mike. Still he turns in a sinister performance here as the titular character and his co-stars aren’t too bad either. Played through as a Southern Gothic dark comedy, we see a family plot to have their mother/ex-wife killed for the insurance money with the help of Joe and then wackiness ensues. Perhaps a bit too dark to pick apart the comedy, there is definite laughs here, but for the most part Killer Joe is sinister brewing and ever patient in it’s darkness and get downright bizarre at times, making it a fascinating watch. Though do be warned, you won’t want to eat fried chicken for a long while after seeing this.



7. The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The more I heard about how good this movie was and what it was about, the more hesitant I became to actually watch it. I saw something in it that was kind of pretentious and was not gonna like it so much because of this. But man am I glad I did, it’s one of the better movies that came out last year and one of the jumping off points for Emma Watson post-Harry Potter, who she and everyone else here do amazingly.  It skirts a darker thematic area yet again, which seems to be a running theme here for flicks this year, but The Perks of Being a Wallflower is surprisingly somber, saddening, and all together hopeful and a total candidate as The Breakfast Club for Generation Y.



6. Silver Linings Playbook

The magical story of when crazy meets crazier. One of the more unique romantic comedies to come out as of late that isn’t a cash grab, but something genuine and touching. Two mentally unstable people enter each others lives and cause as much chaos around them as possible. Everyone is off kilter as they should be to show how Bradley Cooper is the way he is, but is all the more necessary. More fine performances inbound form this one, especially from Jennifer Lawrence who completely earns her Best Actress nomination (And *spoilers, pffftt* her win.). A smart, funny, incredibly heartfelt romantic comedy that I’m sure dudes wouldn’t mind sitting through, Silver Linings Playbook is destined to be a new Valentine’s Day classic.



5. The Invisible War

Form dark, twisted cartoonish violence, to the harsh troubling reality, The Invisible War is one of the most difficult movies to sit through and stomach. I had recalled via Twitter when I started watching this that about 16 minutes in I was already angry. This because the movie deals with the fact of the thousands of cases of sexual assault in the U.S. military that is ongoing. Not just women, but men in the various branches have reported cases of assault. It’s angering and sickening, not just for the fact that it’s happening at all, but that these cases get swept under the rug so casually. Usually the perpetrator is either a high ranking official or the lead that these people have to go to to report that such a disgusting act had been inflicted upon them. This goes through the statistics of the assaults with various interviewees that tell their story and lead up to how they eventually contemplated or attempted suicide and see no point in living. It’s all to heartbreaking, shakes you to your very core, and leaves you seething with rage. The Invisible War is most definitely the most important documentary of the year that needs to be seen, if just to be informed that such a thing could and still is happening today.



4. 21 Jump Street

To get to more of a lighter note, the funniest goddamn movie of the year everybody! Ha ha, yes here we have what seemed by some to be a lazy tie in with a franchise name to draw in and audience that just so happened to be one of the more clever and insane movies of last year. Hell, what I just said was referenced and made fun of in the movie! It couldn’t have been more random to have Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum to be a buddy cop duo, but their chemistry, one liners, and loyalty to each other evolved this into a bromance for the ages. It made me love me some Channing Tatum, if I may share that little secret. Phil Lord and Chris Miller, did what no other could do and directed this frenzy of raunchy action with a poppy, coked up script from Michael Bacall and I wouldn’t have it any other way. KOREAN JESUS AIN’T GOT TIME FO YO PROBLEMS!



3. Chronicle

Out of the frying pan and into the fire, we come back to the heavy and bring you a tale of superheroes…with handheld cameras! For those clamoring for a superhero found footage movie, you got one and it actually makes sense! Well, for the most part, but hey I’m all about the ride the movie took me on and it was one hell of a good time. Though they’re never called or call themselves superheroes three teens happen upon a strange meteor and obtain otherworldly telekinetic powers. So now what? Lift up girls skirts, scare little kids with stuffed animals and destroy everyone who gets in your way! Maybe not the last part so much… But Chronicle is one of the better found footage movies out there that’s so fun, so dark, and leaves you wanting more. Speaking of more superheroes…



2. The Avengers

It just had to be on this list somewhere didn’t it? Yes, yes it did. The first movie of its kind, The Avengers is a culmination of a series of movies that tie together to make it’s own cinematic universe. I’ll be honest, the first Iron Man movie was the only in the series that I was really hyped about. Sure The Incredible Hulk wasn’t so bad and neither was Captain America. And Thor….ohhhhh, Thoorrr, yeah it was entertaining, but I wasn’t all about The Avengers hype train like the rest of the world. I happened to see it with friend one night because I had never been to a midnight screening of something big and boy do I not regret it. I have never had so much fun, had such a rush, and such a longing to turn right back around and see a movie again in a long time. Everything hit so well, the jokes and gags hit home, the fights were awesome and bad ass, and the time melted away like it was an hour and a half instead of two and a half. Just pure unadulterated fun and one of the best times I’ve had at a theater all year, The Avengers takes the cake at win, win, winning, but it doesn’t quite take the cake, unlike…



1. Flight

Yep, this is it, my favorite movie of last year. Now excuse me before I continue, I’ve got to batten down the hatches and get my flame shield up and ready. This is Robert Zemeckis’ first live action movie in over a decade and shit am I glad that the guy is back and away from that uncanny valley type jazz. This is a heavy drama headlined by some the best character actors out in Hollywood today. Give you a sprinkle of John Goodman, a dash of Don Cheadle, a spice of Bruce Greenwood, and a splash of Melissa Leo. But of course you have Denzel Washington giving charge and belting out the performance of his career. Again it was all too funny, yet saddening and heartbreaking to see the kind of treatment the guy gives himself and what he thinks would have happened if he hadn’t been behind the wheel, even if he was drunker than sin. It hits you hard, let’s you know who and what exactly this guy and story is about, doesn’t let you go, and in turn give one of the most frightening yet amazingly well done plane crashes ever set to film. This is finishing move to my list and I’m sticking to it.

Well, that’s it, a pretty versatile and entertaining year at the movies and it was pretty hard for me to condense so much good stuff to be the best of the best. Since there were only so many films I could pick for the list these few dozen had to be left off and be placed as honorable mentions. They are still very much worth seeing if you get the chance to, for the most part, they are…quite a lot:

Haywire, Jiro Dreams of Sushi, Jeff, Who Lives at Home, Goon, The Cabin in the Woods, The Three Stooges, (Yes, even this. It seemed godawful from the trailers, but was actually a funny, loving tribute to the trio.) The Pirates! Band of Misfits, Safety Not Guaranteed, Seeking a Friend For the End of the World, Magic Mike, Ted, The Dark Knight Rises, Compliance, (Another tough one hand in hand with The Invisible War) Robot & Frank, The Master, Dredd, Looper, Alex Cross, (Holy shit, this movie. Soooo bad it has to be witnessed.) Skyfall, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Jack Reacher (Tommy Cee, as I call him, still has the proof to show that he’s a bonafide movie star.)

Promises, Promises

24 Feb

I had no idea what I was getting myself into with this list. I thought I’d have it knocked out by now, but I…I don’t know. I know I said I’d have it up by now, but The Oscars will be on in about 15 minutes, I’m tired as hell, still have plenty to write and would like to refine it instead of sleepily blast right through what I wanted to say. *Sigh* By the time the show will be over, I’ll have passed out and wanted to let you all know before I let you all down yet again. So to get to the point, by tomorrow I’ll be up at a decent time, I’ll have plenty of time to write and will get this all up by then.

Just to not overhype this thing, it won’t be well written and the list won’t be all that surprising.

I know, I hate me too,


Crunch Time

21 Feb

Hey y’all! Here we are, three days away from the Oscars and three days away from the most epic, showstopping, pulse-pounding, enticing best of list you will ever read! It feels like just yesterday I made that proclamation and promise to put out that list no matter what. Well, that promise is still being kept. In fact, I just got finished watching an Oscar contender this very moment! Though I do have a confession to make about my viewing process, but in due time it will be revealed. All I can say for now is…that I came to a sudden realization a few minutes ago after finishing said movie. Nothing really quite beats out the theater experience.

Of all the movies that I’m enthusiastic about on my list, they all were flicks that I happened to watch in a cinema. These happen to be only a good handful from what I’ve counted. The vast majority I’ve seen at home and am still zipping through now as I judge them for placement. Sitting in a dark room with only a small screen and limited sound can only do so much for the entire experience. Sitting in a giant theater with booming surround sound, a quarter-mile high screen and amazing picture can do wonders, be the film a nonstop action thrill coaster or a somber, heartfelt drama. Being with a few friends and a sizable crowd that’s into the movie can elevate it all together too.

Either that or I’m just suffering from fatigue, I don’t know. It’s late as hell, I’ve got plenty more movies to watch in the next few days so I’m gonna get some sleep. Thanks for putting up with my ramblings yet again, and I’ll see you all this Oscar Sunday!

It is most definitely coming,